When I reflect back on my life and see how little by little and day by day all my dreams have come true and continue to, even dreams I didn’t realize I had until they came to fruition, I am floored with gratitude. Alhumdulillah.

Other than the obvious grace and mercy of God, I would like to thank His instruments on earth that have orchestrated the beautiful symphony that is my life – my parents.

It is an incredible realization to understand what your parents having your best interests at heart truly means. I have seen this played out in my life in a positive light. And unfortunately I have seen the negative outcomes as well in other people’s lives.

My mom and dad had already destined me for greatness, for accomplishments and for success since as far back as I can remember. They have done the same to my siblings and so the celebrations continue as we all trickle past the finish lines with triumph one milestone at a time.

I know this post may sound borderline arrogant but this is actually a brag piece about how wonderful and strategic my parents were in their dreams for us. I am grateful and consider myself to be one of the luckiest people to be able to have my parents’ blessings, prayers and support in all my endeavors.

The seeds of greatness and positivity that they planted in my siblings and I, reinforced over the years with both love and discipline, have sprouted and blossomed. And guess what, they have planted themselves a garden in this world with us I can only hope that we do not disappoint and instead provide a colorful and comfortable environment for them for the rest of their life.

Alhumdulillah.

With love.
Peace be upon you.

I was in an agonizing daze. I was hopeless. I was in so much pain I could feel myself going numb. In retrospect, I can confidently say that there’s nothing worse that I’ve experienced than the nagging persistent pain of an empty soul. Feeling the hole get deeper, sucking you down into a void, tearing you away as you fight to hold on; ironically, it’s when I started to feel the most alive in my life up to that point in time.
I will say, however, that this was also the most important and defining time of my life. I had been asleep at the wheel so long, letting my life function in autopilot. Soon, though, I found myself awake. It was scary at first, I was in survival mode. I was as insecure and vulnerable as a newborn but wild and vengeful as a savage. I was compulsive, I was obsessive and I was selfish.
When I started using other people to abuse myself, it led me to an eventual demise. Just as energetically as I had embarked out to survive, I had crashed and burned with the same intensity.
Oh am I glad to be alive, having nearly erased myself out of existence. Well, the rise was a little slower, a little more careful, a little more loving and required a lot of patience. It was unbearable at first, for example the numbing pain I described above.
But in the end, it was all a beautiful series of trials that challenged me and allowed me to fight to live out my true nature.
I often write about my experiences in a crisis. This is because I remember them so vividly that I am able to write about them in detail. But, most importantly, I will never forget the struggle (even though I have forgotten the specific circumstances) because it allows me to appreciate every blessed breathing moment I have in this life. Alhumudilliah.

Peace be upon you.

When I first heard about the “way of the peaceful warrior,” I was ecstatic.
When I started reading the book, I grew increasingly impatient with it. I was waiting to feel as enthralled and mesmerized as I did with books like “the alchemist.”

What was the problem here, I questioned myself? The book had such great reviews, including people claiming that it had changed their lives. But I could not relate to any descriptions, I became disappointed. So I put the book away, half-read.
In the next few weeks, I searched for the reasons. And, then as if it should’ve been obvious all along, it came to me. This book is a description of all the things “the alchemist” made me see, feel, realize and understand. For the most part, the book tells me what “the alchemist” showed me.

This book is a story of a young man finding his meaning in life in which he describes the changes he underwent at the direction of his spiritual teacher. In “the alchemist,” the shepherd boy was alone, instead he let the universe teach him. Another important contrast is that the gymnast college student was constrained to a routine which I can identify with whereas the shepherd boy roamed the landscape of Andalasia to a career cleaning crystal to journeying across the dessert in search of his treasure in Egypt.

With almost no comparable freedom as that of the shepherd boy, and with all the restrictions of societal norms and expectations, I still identify myself more with that shepherd boy than with the college student in this book.

But, there are a few lessons or truths I have realized in this book. These are very important to me because they were just what I was looking for and what I needed at the time.

1. Our lives are not a private affair, they are meant to be shared.

2. Be an ordinary person, it will help you help people.

3. Be unreasonably happy.

“Indeed, in the creation of the heavens and the earth and the alternation of the night and the day are signs for those of understanding.” [Quran 3:190]

When someone sees the same people every day…they wind up becoming part of that person’s life. And then they want the person to change. If someone isn’t what others want them to be, the others become angry. Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own. – The Alchemist

All I will say about this is that I am guilty of doing this to a dear friend of mine. I believe I had done it to the point where I had chipped away completely at a friendship that eventually cracked the foundation into unstable pieces. I often feel this disconnect but alas, I have only myself to blame. Sometime you can push people right out of your life, to the point where they only appear as guests starring in your life from time to time.

There was a shift I experienced, where at first, I went forth guns blazing with all the “here’s what you did wrong to me.” The response: the same thing basically, all the things I did wrong to that person in criticizing their life choices. However, it surprised me, not because it was unexpected, but because I had no idea that my actions had been eroding the friendship in that manner. I was horrified and felt responsible. So immediately, I wanted to resolve it. But, I’m sad to report that a proper and through conversation is yet to be had. We are just moving on, and it’s fine. But, I fear the cracks that remain. And, sometimes, I think, I hope, that letting things go and replacing with better memories will be enough to repair the damage.

May Allah grant us all compassion, understanding, patience and love for our fellow humans, iA.

Stay blessed!

Peace be upon you.

When boredom strikes, complacency becomes the permanent state of being, and life feels like a routine of shuffling between to-do lists….remember:

“It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.” – The Alchemist

So if current plans are not efforts to make your dreams come true, reconfigure! But if on track, be grateful and keep going!!

Stay blessed! 🙂

Peace be upon you!

The shepherd boy contemplating his sheep:

“They trust me, and they’ve forgotten how to rely on their own instincts, because I lead them to nourishment.” The Alchemist

When I pray to give thanks, I always acknowledge that God is my true protector, guide and provider. Why? I believe it is my natural instinct as a Muslim to know that as a universal truth. So, who do I rely on for my nourishment and flourishing life: yes, in God, I trust wholeheartedly.

It’s easy, however, to get distracted and get caught up in relying on the suppliers: the employers, the politicians, the stock market etc. The most dangerous dependency is on other humans because we are all susceptible to greed. This leads to overlooking moral boundaries and human rights. And, somewhere in there, we start to ignore the discomfort we feel, thereby silencing our instincts. As this happens, we cut ourselves off from the messages from God, which I believe are transmitted to us through our instincts.

Don’t be a sheep, stay connected, iA! 🙂

Peace be upon you.

Writers inspire writers. Often when I feel spent, and the magical feelings of inspirations have nose-dived. The slate is blank. My imagination runs away to the dessert, into the mind of the shepherd boy following a series of omens in hopes of making his dream come true. And, then immediately I am fulfilled with a vigor and ambition, that reminds me to believe in miracles. Paulo Coelho, your thoughts and words awaken my spirit over and over again. I believe you are an instrument of God here to strenghen our faith and to remind us all that:

“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”

Thanks for your words and sharing your talent with the world. Your story about chasing dreams through Spain and across the mederanian sea and dessert to the pyramids, has revived my entire being over and over again!

WARNING: My next few posts may be all about “The Alchemist” as I reread it for the umpteenth time! 🙂

Peace be upon you!

I watched the Green Mile this weekend. I watched it alone. It was risky. I should have known better than to watch it at all.

I accept that I have a sensitivity to violence against children, specifically sexual violence. When I hear, read or see these types of acts occurring, much like most people I feel repulsed and sickened to my stomach. But, it also triggers several flashbacks stored in my memory bank of bad men doing bad things to little girls.

These memories have a tendency to rise to my conscious level from time to time. I always feel so scared and anxious. I feel so threatened and defenseless. This is followed by a heated anger sending shocks through out my body. I feel myself grinding away at my teeth as a lump forms in my throat. My face is usually burning at this point and tears flood out. I feel devastated.

And, then I think about how far I’ve come in my life, of all the blessings and the overwhelming amount of wonderful memories. I take a deep breath and suddenly a picture of my husband’s smiling face appears in my mind. He’s a good man, a great man. And, just like that the images of the bad men are shattered. The good men outnumber the bad men, hopefully in numbers, but most importantly in the amount of impact. A positive impact that invokes true happiness and a life full of faith. Alhumdulillah.

To all the bad men, you have a sickness not just in your mind, but in your heart. You are selfish, primitive and a slave to your low desires. I feel sorry for you in this life and fear for you in the next life. But, first, I forgive you. And, I ask for God’s protection for all the little girls to keep them safe from your (and other men like you) senseless acts, iA.

I have been thinking about dreams. Big dreams. And, what it takes to make those dreams come true.

As I write this, my heart is filled with an overwhelming amount of gratitude and appreciation. There’s a man who’s been in my life since the day I was born, who is the biggest dreamer I know. At times, when I didn’t understand his relentless persisting, I would get frustrated. But now, my heart has revealed what it all meant.

You see I’ve had a very rocky relationship with my dad my whole life being the rebellious non-conformist and anti-tradition anything person that I have been. For the past few months, I have consistently prayed for God to help me understand and to improve my relationship with my dad.

I can’t even begin to describe how it occurred to me, but within a few days a realization manifested itself. The most memorable trigger I can recall is a story on NPR I heard about an immigrant teenager talking about the struggles of his father in bringing him to another country. He talked with admiration about his father’s courage to leave behind a familiar way of life, language, and all his friends and family and ways of livelihood to start anew. This was all too familiar to me because this is what my father did as well.

It was my earliest memory, I was around 4 years old, my father was tucking me into bed and I remember he told me that he was leaving the next day for a long time to make his dreams come true. The dream of a better future for me, my mom and my siblings. I kissed him goodnight not knowing that after that I would only see him a few summers during my childhood.

Almost two decades later, he has made all his dreams come true. We are all together living in the same place, and living well. Alhumdulillah. So how do you make your dreams, both big and small, come true? I have learned from my father that it takes a sense of responsibility, a self-asserted right to better your circumstances and for those around you and finally, and most importantly, it takes faith and trust in Allah.

Thanks to my father’s determination, I was blessed and am so grateful to have the opportunity to grow up in the U.S. But most of all, I am just lucky to be my father’s daughter – a father who is a dreamer just like me. 🙂

Thank you, Allah. Alhumdulillah.

Stay blessed!

Peace be upon you.