I was in an agonizing daze. I was hopeless. I was in so much pain I could feel myself going numb. In retrospect, I can confidently say that there’s nothing worse that I’ve experienced than the nagging persistent pain of an empty soul. Feeling the hole get deeper, sucking you down into a void, tearing you away as you fight to hold on; ironically, it’s when I started to feel the most alive in my life up to that point in time.
I will say, however, that this was also the most important and defining time of my life. I had been asleep at the wheel so long, letting my life function in autopilot. Soon, though, I found myself awake. It was scary at first, I was in survival mode. I was as insecure and vulnerable as a newborn but wild and vengeful as a savage. I was compulsive, I was obsessive and I was selfish.
When I started using other people to abuse myself, it led me to an eventual demise. Just as energetically as I had embarked out to survive, I had crashed and burned with the same intensity.
Oh am I glad to be alive, having nearly erased myself out of existence. Well, the rise was a little slower, a little more careful, a little more loving and required a lot of patience. It was unbearable at first, for example the numbing pain I described above.
But in the end, it was all a beautiful series of trials that challenged me and allowed me to fight to live out my true nature.
I often write about my experiences in a crisis. This is because I remember them so vividly that I am able to write about them in detail. But, most importantly, I will never forget the struggle (even though I have forgotten the specific circumstances) because it allows me to appreciate every blessed breathing moment I have in this life. Alhumudilliah.

Peace be upon you.