Apologies in advance for such a downer post! Just feeling a bit overworked and slightly stressed. But very thankful for the ability to write it out of my head and heart. Alhumdulillah! 🙂

“Inspiration escapes me. My mind has become rather dull. Concentration has become a serious effort. I feel that I may be suffering some emotional distress.

What is it? I search. Have I deluded myself into a future which I fear is unattainable? Or have I slipped into the past and piled on the guilt of my previous erred ways.

The demands of the daily routine have demeaned my hopeful spirit. It has dampened my delight at the dawn of each day. Dreadful is the sinking feeling that I must endear.

Whatever it may be, please lift, I pray. I want to be free. I want to be now. I want to be truth, I want to be me. ”

Stay blessed!

Peace be upon you.

In these trying times, when my faith in humanity is languishing, I have to remind myself that all this suffering can’t be for nothing. There must be lessons we need to learn, there must be signs that are trying to tell us to change our ways, or perhaps even an enlightenment making us aware that all is not well everywhere so that we are more grateful for our own life. I hope….sometimes that is all we have.

I believe that God doesn’t impose a greater burden than we can stand.

“Allah does not impose upon any soul a duty but to the extent of its ability.” [Quran 2:286]

All my troubles, past mistakes and hardships have refined me over and over again, like sandpaper used to smooth out a piece of wood, to buff out all my rough edges.

Often times, out of despair, I looked up to the Heavens and asked “why, oh why, why me?” All this time, I have realized God was setting me up for great things. Purifying my soul all this time of all the things that were not good enough. I was flung into a deep hole, falling deeper it seemed into an endless pit, until I only had one choice, going up. I believe it was all by design, by the greatest of all planners, God. I often think of it in terms of using a bow and arrow, you have to pull all the way back to be able to get a great distance with your shot.

The climb continues, the trials and the reminders are frequent, and I thank God for it all.

For anyone who can relate, try your best to be thankful for the good and bad and remain patient. In the meantime, search your soul, don’t leave a stone unturned, find the lessons you need to learn and move on to a better version of yourself. Remember, the darkest hour is just before the dawn of a new day.

“It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.” (Aristotle Onassis)

Stay blessed.

Peace be upon you, iA.

Slowly and patiently, I gathered my hopes and dreams and cradled them for so long. Never once did I doubt their realization. With an insurmountable amount of certainty and care, I guarded my beliefs. Even when people suggested that I change course to achieve my goals through a different means. Nope. I always thought; in God I trust. My Protector, My Provider and My Sustainer.

Thank you for everything; another Ramadan miracle. I love this month and I love you God.

Allhumdulilah.

Stay blessed.

Peace.

A friend of mine posted an article on a social media website with the following message:

Pay attention Muslims!

“And how was I supposed to meet a Muslim girl, anyway? We were always taught that girls were haram, the classrooms were always in separate rooms, if a girl was Muslim we were taught to avoid her and not look or talk to her – so yeah, I meet wonderful non-Muslim women and now my girlfriend is Christian.”

Youth Directors – What Will It Take For Us To Realize…?

Below are a string of comments exchanged between myself, my friend who posted the article and two women whom I have never met. Just as a preface, this was as much frustrating as it was an enjoyable exchange.  You will notice that the themes in my comments range from discouraging judgment of others, an immense gratitude to God for His guidance, and my personal opinion on where that guidance originates.

ME: Incredible. Hopefully a lesson and reason to change for people who terrify children and rob them of a true faith in a Loving and Merciful God. I’ve experienced this but was lucky enough to be brought back to Islam, Alhumdulillah!

Woman #1: Very thought provoking; but I don’t buy that this was an emotionless decision; even if his demeanor indicated otherwise. If it were “reason,” someone as self aware as this young man would have had more compelling arguments….

My Friend (who posted this article): “I didn’t need Muslim classes one day a week, I needed Muslim friends and socializing during days of the week and weekends.” — i think masajid need to pay strong attention to this. facilitate more social & community programs. more relationship building less lecturing.

ME: It’s actually pretty horrifying how emotionless it is, I wish this on no one! It is utter darkness and you feel so numb that it doesn’t even matter. May Allah keep all of us close to Him here and in the hereafter. Ameen.

Woman #1: I can’t agree more, [My Friend]. How can we facilitate this insha’Allah?

Woman #2: I agree with [Woman #1]. This was not emotionless. He may have had bad teachers of Islam, but why did he not research it on his own once he reached adulthood. I went through a spiritual awakening at age 16 (while living in France) and I researched all kinds of religions, then almost as an afterthought, I decided to research Islam, which my parents had taught me almost nothing about. I was greatly surprised by how much sense it made that I could not help but to become a practicing Muslim. This guy simply chose the easy way out. He chickened out. And I should add that I did not have any practicing Muslim friends when I committed myself to Islam.

ME: It’s exactly that kind of arrogant thinking that is the root of the problem the article is trying to highlight. God invites whom He wills to Islam and deafens, blinds and chains the hearts of those He doesn’t invite. Count your blessings and leave others be. And it is so sad that you are ignoring the injustice against Islam that is being described in the article that dare I say you might be on your way away from Islam. God is the only true Judge, Allhumdulillah. No amount of research can open your heart to Islam unless it is God’s will. I sense a shameless amount of pride in you even if it is your boasting about finding Islam on your own. Allah knows best.

Woman #2: I never claimed to find Islam on my own. It was Allah’s guidance as you so rightly pointed out . I simply meant to imply that you get to a stage in your life where you have to start looking for answers and not accept what has been handed to you. And by the way, Allah does not guide the arrogant. You have to be humble in order to be guided. Besides, attributing faults to people on [social websites] is not of the Adab of Islam. Peace and blessings to you, sister.

ME: Yes exactly attributing faults to people on [social websites] like saying that the guy chickened out is not nice or Islamic. Just because you and I were lucky enough to be guided, we have no place in expecting that from others. I just do not understand why people want to focus on this guy’s decision when the reasons for his decisions should be the focus and present an opportunity to improve upon something to prevent such a transgression. In any case, peace and blessings to you as well.

Woman #2: When I said “people” I meant persons whose names and places of residence are known. As to focusing on the reasons behind his decision, do you honestly think that by him telling the Creator on Judgement Day:” my parents did a poor job of educating me about Islam” is going to save him? What about the brain that Allah gave him? Why did he not use that. Yes, what happened to him is most unfortunate, but it isn’t enough to exonerate him. And I absolutely agree that, as a community, we have to do a much better job of educating our youths. However, in the end, each person is ultimately responsible for his or her choices.

ME: Alright sister, I think I will just agree to disagree with the continuous admonishment and judgement of this young man who still has got a chance to die as a Muslim, iA. For all we know the conversation in the article might have triggered a God-sent introspection that will guide him back the right path. As far as using the brain goes, in my opinion, I find to be filled with betrayal as it is often reasoned out of the right choice (courtesy of the Shaitan who has taken a vow to do so), the heart though, that’s my direct link to God and His guidance. When the heart is unchained and softened by God’s will, the true religion and faith is so apparent that you just don’t see any other way (something you described in your personal journey).

Woman #1: [Woman #2]-mashAllah I never knew this about you!! Thank you for sharing your story! I understand completely what you mean. Allah often stresses the importance of seeking knowledge and references “men of understanding” in the Quran. How can we deny our responsibility to also use reason and logic? Alhamdulillah Islam is a sensible religion and it is also this sensibility that attracts people to Islam. May we all be guided inshAallah!

ME: I couldn’t agree more with your characterization of Islam as a sensible religion, but my emphasis on the heart is to facilitate the point that that is where I found the connection to Allah. Throughout the Quran, the emphasis is on the heart so that importance has been my take away. I have not read that God will look to our mind to judge but rather what is in our hearts. I’m a lawyer so I understand the importance and significant utility of reason and logic as it is my meal ticket but to strengthen my faith I rely on my heart. This has been a great conversation, thank you ladies. And, to your point about the references to “men of understanding” you have to become one of them first, and to get there, I believe you need an open and receptive heart first and foremost.

 Thou shall not judge.

 “Then it will be for (only) Us to call them to account.” [Quran 88:26]

Stay blessed!

Peace.

 

Previously, I have written about the miracles of Surah Fatiah through which one requests guidance from God. This also happens to be the first Surah in the Quran.

In my re-reading the Quran (in English) for the third time (iA), I was once again struck with awe. Specifically, with the placement of the Surahs. You see, while in Surah Fatiah one is asking for guidance, in the next Surah (Al-Baqara) God provides such guidance! It reads like a manual filled with parables to illustrate and emphasize the points. In fact, it reminded me a little bit of law school complete with contract law, trust and estates, family law, etc.

What was most important to me, however, were the set of guidelines offered to live a complete life in faith.
For example [2:177]:

“…but righteousness is this that one should believe in Allah and the last day and the angels and the Book and the prophets, and give away wealth out of love for Him to the near of kin and the orphans and the needy and the wayfarer and the beggars and for (the emancipation of) the captives, and keep up prayer and pay the poor-rate; and the performers of their promise when they make a promise, and the patient in distress and affliction and in time of conflicts — these are they who are true (to themselves) and these are they who guard (against evil).”

Alhumdulillah for this guidance!

Stay blessed!
xoxo

What is resilire?

Did I make up that word? No. It is latin and the root of the word “resilient”.  It means:

• leap or spring back
• rebound
• recoil

The concept of resiliency was something I realized as I experienced my true satori moments back in 2010. I first realized it in nature as the seasons changed from the dead of winter to the rebirth and rejuvenation in the spring. I saw bare trees look alive with green and I saw flowers bloom out loud with color from among the graying foliage.

I remembered the winter, it was cold, dark and depressing. It confined me to the demons in my mind. To the loneliness that drowned me deeper and deeper into sorrow. Then just like magic it seemed, my mind decided to reject all those feelings and wanted something more peaceful.

I ventured out on the trail behind my house, even in the crisp early spring mornings. As the landscape around me transformed into lush greens and hues of vibrancy so did my soul. Just a few months ago, I had convinced myself of a doomful life but here I was, thriving.

This was the moment I realized the innate incredible ability of the human soul to spring back, to self-soothe, and therein, the powerful resiliency to recover.  This is why, I will never forget my greatest blessing: a resilient spirit.

And, I thank God for that. Alhumduillah!

Stay blessed xoxo

Suffering from being over-worked and stressed, I had gone through my week without noticing the changes that Spring brought to us.  Until, this morning, when I woke up to a cold and gloomy overcast.  I wondered, why aren’t the birds chirping like they have been all week and why aren’t sun rays beaming through my window, and where is the gentle breeze that did more wonders in waking me up than my usual cup of coffee?

I was contemplating the effect of nature on my moods and contentment with life.  Then, it occurred to me, as I recalled the various verses of the Quran describing the gardens in Paradise (afterlife), the positivity that captivates my soul and, therefore my being, is deeply tied to a reward system designed by God.

“Gardens of perpetual bliss: they shall enter there, as well as the righteous among their fathers, their spouses, and their offspring. Angels shall enter from every gate (with the salutation): ‘Peace be with you, that you persevered in patience! Now how excellent is the final home!” (Quran 13:23-24).
“They will not hear therein ill speech or commission of sin. But only the saying of: ‘Peace! Peace!'” (Quran 56:25-26).

Alas, another layer peeled back in my understanding and appreciating my love of nature and the tranquility it has provided me in times of chaos and continues to do so every day.  I cannot wait for Spring to become more evident.  InshaAllah, it will only bring more joy as we all get a glimpse of the ultimate reward and I hope that it will continue to motivate me to live to ensure that Paradise is my final destination after this life.

Alhamdulillah!

Stay blessed xoxo

“Ami (grandma) do you know who I am?” I asked, hopeful that maybe her memory loss was just a rumor.

“No, I uh uh someone just told me but…” she struggled to respond but with a familiar state of confusion I had heard from her before.

“Don’t you know, you named me. A beautiful name. Tayyaba.” I said cheerfully changing the subject.

“Yes that is a nice name, I like it. ” She said agreeably. I smiled.

“Did you know I am finally getting married?” I asked her, as I remembered our previous conversations where she always asked me whether it was time yet. Back when we used to joke around about how she still sounded young and when she told me not to gain too much weight if I wanted a good husband.

She was so excited when I told her the date for my upcoming nuptials. For a moment, I felt she really knew she was taking to her granddaughter.

What struck me was what happened next, soon after she conveyed her congrats, she started praising God, thanking Him and asking for His blessings for me. It was incredible to me because, this woman who does not remember her own children, did not forget her Maker and the level of praise that is due.

It was miraculous. In old age, when your memory betrays and forsakes you, your soul does not forget its origin and its Creator.

Amazing. SubhanAllah!

Stay blessed xoxo

When I started reading the Quran in English, I was struck by this word “niggardly.” I thought to myself, surely, God would not discriminate among his own creations in such a derogatory manner.  Quickly, however, after looking up the definition, I was relieved.  This, however, reminded me that the “n” word that IS offensive is a creation of mankind to debase each other; something that people who are or were, in fact, niggardly, had/have created such a device to demean another’s life. Anyway, this post isn’t about such foul things.

I want to focus on the word “niggardly” and what it means and what the guidance provided in the Quran may mean , Allah knows best.

First, the definition of this word is (according to Webster/Oxford dictionaries): not generous or being stingy.  God cautions against this trait:

The Shaitan (devil) threatens you with poverty and enjoins you to be niggardly, and Allah promises you forgiveness from Himself and abundance; and Allah is Ample-giving, Knowing. [2:268]

 But when He gave them out of His grace, they became niggardly of it and they turned back and they withdrew. [9:76]

Behold! you are those who are called upon to spend in Allah’s way, but among you are those who are niggardly, and whoever is niggardly is niggardly against his own soul; and Allah is Self-sufficient and you have need (of Him). [47:38]

And niggardly when good befalls him [70:21]

To me, it is a warning for being too stingy, for hoarding and not giving to charity. As a result, I have started going through my things to give things away that I do not need instead of keeping them for myself even when I do not use it. For example, I keep clothes just to keep them hoping they will make a comeback one day, but all they do is just sit there year after year when I could have donate them to someone in need. As for charity, I always felt so judgmental when homeless people and other beggars asked for money. I looked down on them thinking “you will just buy alcohol or drugs.” There was something else I would feel in my heart when I would decide to hold on to my abundance, a sort of constriction or a tightening.

Luckily, I am reminded that there is only one true Judge and that He has required me to give charity, so I must give to those in need.  I have decided that it is the intent of giving that must count and not what the person receiving does with it. I have to be willing to part with the loose change and dollar bills from time to time, for God. For me, this has resulted in a feeling of open heartedness and a closeness with God.

Stay blessed xoxo